This toothpaste whitened my teeth really really well. The mirror I look at them in is pretty dirty, but what can you expect from a rest stop in the middle of nowhere in (I guess) West Texas. My dog was whining more than usual the first time I brushed my teeth after using it, so I headed outside while still maintaining a beautiful white smile. Now I'm showing all the mannequins that I put up in this abandoned place. Break. I expected my mouth to go black while brushing, but I didn't expect everything to go dark. When I woke up, I was part of a strange ritual where everyone's mouth, including teeth, was as black as midnight. The hoods they wore covered their eyes, but I could see their charcoal-covered mouths moving as they sang in an unknown language. Suddenly, what appeared to be an octopus burst out of the bowl of charcoal toothpaste and began speaking in a type of language that damaged my brain and made my nose bleed. I got out of there as fast as I could, just as the octopus burst out of the ceiling of the abandoned factory we were in. I got into a Ford Focus (high fuel consumption) and have never looked back. I haven't seen the sun (or another person) in 231 days but I have to say my smile is as white as ever!
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