After reading some reports of how hard it was to compress the foam pad, I took on the task with some trepidation. But I found it surprisingly uneventful -- and I'm a homeowner who eschews anything to do with plumbing and water. I have a Kohler Rialto K3386 one-piece toilet. After reading that the plastic tabs can break, I decided to purchase a kit that includes the flush valve assembly, a new gasket, and a new flapper. Removing the old assembly turned out to be quite easy. I have small hands which helps me. I sat up, straddled the toilet, reached out and gently turned it to the right (counterclockwise as viewed from the valve assembly). He freed himself easily and went out immediately. The pad has deteriorated to the point that some parts of it felt like gel. On the new assembly that the seal sits on, I rubbed a SMALL amount of silicon grease, thinking it might make it easier to turn. (DO NOT use petroleum jelly or anything petroleum based as this can cause the foam pad to disintegrate over time.) Then, still straddling the toilet, I squeezed the pad with both hands and twisted the valve assembly to the left to free it to lock it in place. . My hands were "behind" the base of the valve, so I actually pulled the valve toward my body to compress the seal. I was surprised that it didn't take that much effort to compress the gasket and rotate the assembly into place. If you cannot turn the valve easily, you have not compressed the seal enough.
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