Dog vomit: THIS IS NOT A TRIL. WE ARE READY. I'm chasing after my new cleaner with three kids and a dog (who knows why other than fun, team building and elbow restraint). I struggle to get the VERY secure plastic packaging with disappointment that covers almost the entire bottle. With my fingers slashed and my entourage suspended in midair, I turn to my bulging belly and swallow my own fourth pregnancy vomit while dutifully picking up the bitch's valuable work (she sits close by, watching with domineering satisfaction) . In desperation, I squeeze the bottle about 10 times for the first time to get its miraculous odor-eliminating abilities to work. Nothing. I press again. Not a single spray. I keep pushing, realizing my fate as a pathetic trickle runs down the side of the sink down my fingers and to my elbows—ironically, to the part of my body that hasn't touched human or animal excrement today. Of course, I hadn't turned the nozzle to the "on" position. I twist and squeeze and twist and squeeze and quickly lose hope as the powerful chemicals burn my chafed skin and ooze out to remind me of my plight for the next 24 hours with their carcinogenic peppermint scent. When I fail, I face the pathetic reality that the syringe will never really do its ONE JOB. My kids have now renamed the playroom Stink Room. As I write this, the dog vomits again. Date February 2, 2021. Groundhog Day in the Year of the Groundhog. Tell me I'm melodramatic TRY.
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