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Review on 🚽 LUXE Bidet Neo 120 - Self Cleaning Nozzle - Fresh Water Non-Electric Mechanical Bidet Toilet Attachment in Blue and White by Chris Burns

Revainrating 5 out of 5

My mother taught me not to speak personally in public.

. BUT MAMA IS NOT HERE! UNKNOWN! collect yourself. I have to tell you something about your ass. Here's the thing: you're gross. Your body is a filthy, grotesque and horrible temple full of your most disgusting and worst choices. No matter how hard you try to hide, scrub, perfume and smooth blemishes, they're still there. But don't worry because even for the strongest bodies there is hope. ENTER THE LUXURY BIDET. This fountain of youth is a little thing that can make you a little less mean than you are right now. How to proceed: 1. Buy this product. Don't bother buying the premiere if you don't already have it, it arrived within 2 days anyway. Unpack everything and read the instructions.3. Position the seat carefully so you don't get fluff from building management on your back while looking for a deposit.4. Try to install the hose and find it doesn't fit well5. Call Luxe Customer Service and speak to one of the nicest people I've ever had the privilege of speaking to. This adorable siren will patiently listen to your concerns and fix them all by sending you 2 free replacement parts and upgrade seat bumpers. Everything is free. I can have feelings for her.6. Wait another 2 days or so and then check your email to find anything she promised to be waiting for you. STILL FREE.7. Unwrap and plug in this latest holiday gift. and BOOM! Now you have a working bidet.8. Come face to face with your favorite enemy, preferably a Canadian, and enjoy your freshly polished knob. Bonus points if you have your period and use pads that day. I can't tell you how it has affected my quality of life. I've only used it once but already feel taller, taller, leaner and better at math. Pay Gap? "Not near those elevated parts. Massive and crippling wealth inequality? lol who said that? species extinction? --I HEAR NO YELLING ABOUT MAX CLEAN WASH. The smug sense of superiority I now have from using fewer TP sheets is matched only by the delightful squeak I make with every step. This is me. This is me. If you can't handle my worst, then you can't handle me at my best.

Pros
  • Inspires confidence
Cons
  • Will be added later