Review on 🚽 Brondell Swash 1400 Luxury Bidet Toilet Seat: The Ultimate White Round Toilet Upgrade with Dual Stainless-Steel Nozzles, Nozzle Clean+ & Warm Air Dryer – Featuring Ambient Nightlight by Jeff Grindley

Hello! Look, I'm going to go over this thing again. One morning I decided to be Mr. Modest in fancy pants and buy a refurbished device to save a few bucks (about $75 less than a new one). I did badly. It worked great for two months, but now when the rear window is activated it loads (which for some reason takes forever) and works like 300psi hot water (at least 600F) (even on the minimum water temp setting). for about 1-½ seconds before turning off and beeping twice in a row, maybe 3 times. After that it doesn't restart. Not good dude! I have to make a sheet! So far I've been able to restore functionality by power cycling (unplugging and plugging back in) the device before using it, but I doubt its malfunction has magically gone away. Also, I'm not thrilled about having to power cycle a $500+ Terlite seat to get it working before launch, and I'm not optimistic that power cycling will fix the problem indefinitely time will "fix". Expression. That's it. I'd also say that it would be great if the LED lighting turned off when the lid was down, or maybe if it dimmed or changed color, but overall that's a pretty minor gripe. Unfortunately the returns window closed two weeks ago so I guess that's my loss. I've been saving for this thing for about 6 months so it hurts a bit. I will continue for the sake of explanation. I'm definitely a Brondell fan. I used and abused a low end unit (Swash 400, now obsolete) for almost 10 years that never gave me any problems until one day during a deep scab removal I fiddled with the shower head a bit and accidentally fried it. I figured a TOTL seat from a company I'd had great success with would sink me into oblivion. I will say that in 2 months of operation the 1400 was an impressive puck. It quickly addressed the typical Wednesday morning after a wicked Taco Tuesday. 1400 easily erased any remnants of the incredible morning heat spells after an epic 12-hour sea cruise of grilled IPA, grilled chili cheese and booze. As you can probably imagine, he has power! You can literally cleanse your colon daily if that's your thing. This is serious business guys/girls. I'll be sad when it finally stops bothering me. In addition, the deodorization function is a critical component for this setup and is an absolute gas explosion killer. Definitely a game changer for uncontrolled diarrhea. By 2:00 p.m., I would sometimes cough so badly while pooping in the morning that I often had to go to work to recover. Now that all my energy can be quickly absorbed by a sturdy 1400, I can focus on tying my shoelaces and eating candy before my shift at the factory. Overall, my productivity was much better. I liked that it worked for 2 months. He had absolutely no problem immediately absorbing otherworldly blasts from my fat can. It was really impressive to be honest. A complete change of game, as already mentioned. I've never used a front blaster because I'm a guy, but I'm willing to bet it's just great for the ladies. Actually I had pretty loud Indian food for lunch so I might (should) try later for the sake of research. Just to see how he feels. Do not judge me. I do not feel well. In the interests of my parents, I hope that if the device works, it will work. One more for posterity. I live in a 150 square foot basement at my parents house and they get very angry if I start a severe heat fire. It radiates straight through the floor and into the mouth. The 1400 has saved my ass (and my reputation) countless times in every way. I always seem to get my courage up suddenly and unexpectedly when trying to take on Tinder hotties who just want to have some fun with me. I don't know what I'll do next if this happens and the old Refurb 1400 decides to let me down again. I will definitely be down as a man and maybe never have women again forever. I guess the rent will probably kick me out too. Again. This can be a completely devastating situation. I want to help you dear friends avoid the betrayal and deceit I experienced with this Refurbished Swash 1400 Luxury Bide Terlite Seat. So in summary I would recommend everyone to stay away from renovated units. Don't be like me! Avoid the Booty Burn! Unless, of course, you poach in your personal pots. If so, take some! Good luck and blessings. Hope that helps. Goodbye Soggy Ace